Five-Year Anniversary

Five years ago doctors told my husband to call friends in CA in case they wanted to fly out to TX and see me one more time. He did.

They came.

I recently re-read comments collected five years ago that were made during my recovery from three months of grueling back surgeries that finally resulted in opening me up six different times, including a final time of cutting through the front to remove infected bone. Life-threatening clots had formed in many areas of my body after the first back surgery to fuse three discs. I continually fought painful infections from hardware that fell out. I developed pneumonia, my kidneys began to fail, and I finally grew unresponsive – I couldn’t talk, eat, or move.

Re-reading the notes from five years ago reminded me of the frailty of life – and of the good and gracious God I love and serve. The night before my first back surgery, fearing the worst but praying for the best, a Scripture popped into my mind: “…entrust your soul to a faithful creator…” (1 Peter 4:9). It was God’s way of reminding me that He, as my faithful creator, could be trusted, no matter what happened during the surgery. My soul – my mind, emotions, and will – could continue to love and serve Him, no matter what.

I’m reading a book titled The Broken Way, by Ann Voskamp. In discussing the concept of time, Voskamp writes, “The hands of the clock on the wall, they keep following the invisible, trying to track it…   but you can’t see time. Time can only be represented by change, by the way things move and change.”

Have you tried to track the invisible? Voskamp also writes, “For Jesus, time was not something you seize as much as something you sacrifice. … It’s not something to grab; it’s something to give.”

I want to give, not grab the time I have left  here on Earth. I’m learning that the way to break time’s hold on me is to be broken and given with my time. As I mentioned last month, I want to focus on being a human “being”, not a human “doing.”

One of the most startling events from my near-death experience five years ago happened when I sensed my ability to speak slipping away. My son Daniel was with me, and I whispered that I knew I was about to stop talking. That was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. I slipped into somewhat of a coma. I could hear snippets of conversations, but everything seemed as though I experienced it as a nightmare from which I couldn’t wake up. I had been in constant pain for about two months and felt ready to give up. I wanted to let what life I had left in me drain out. Then, as clear as day,  this Scripture came to mind: “The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that you might have life, and have it abundantly.” I sensed I had a choice to make. I could give in to my body, allowing the infections and pain steal life from me – or, I could choose life. I chose life. Soon after that, I woke from the semi-conscious state, and, eventually recovered.

If you’d like to read the events and see a few video clips from this anniversary, you can find them here.

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